Pained Past (Comparative Essay)

                Sometimes grudges are so desperately raw, that they are held onto throughout life. People, so ignorant, that they hold onto the past, and try to avenge it. These are people with scars. Some, so hurt, that they aren’t sure what to do. Sometimes though, there are scarred people who try to forgive and forget. But, unlike the people who possess awful grudges, these people try to live on; no matter how much pain it costs them to do so. They don’t hold it against anyone, and definitely don’t try to avenge their pained past.

                Whenever love is involved, hate is bubbling right beneath the surface. Hate spoils the love whenever it has the chance. And it’s not just the hate between lovers or family, but also people around them, people involved in their life. This isn’t a one-time situation either, it ripples within many lives. These are those scarred people, the people whose negative relationships ruin their lives, giving them aching memories to live with. 

                Tessa, from Clockwork Angel, loved her brother, Nate Gray with all of her remaining heart. But he’s been missing for months now, and she’s determined to find him. Once she escapes the bony grasps of the Dark Sisters (evil warlocks that had captured her), she allies herself with the Shadowhunters (angelic beings who enforce laws to other magical creatures) to try to find him. But along the way, Tessa discovers the plot of the Magister, who is single-minded to acquire Tessa for still unknown reasons. There had been word of Nate in the Downworld (a place where vampires, warlocks, werewolves, faeries, and demons live), and that Nate was allied with the Magister. She didn’t believe it, but once Nate is found he stays at the Institute (a home for Shadowhunters) with Tessa, where, after he plays innocent, betrays her and the Shadowhunters, trying to steal Tessa for the Magister. Tessa’s heart was broken. He had said “You are not my sister,” which made it snap in half so loudly she thought that everyone could hear it physically breaking. Her mother and father were dead, and now she had lost her brother too. She tries the best she can to accept his betrayal, and covers the scar well. She does not blame anyone for her brother’s evil turn, and does her best to hide the pain from everyone around her. She finally moves on when he dies in her arms later on that year. He had been pinned to a wall with razor sharp metal after a fierce battle, and said his last words to her. The words had not been as she expected, but the final realization of his death took hold and shocked her into the process of healing.

                But, Nate’s side of the story is just the opposite of Tessa’s. Back in New York, his relationship with his Aunt Harriet was nice. She was always there, yet always seemed so distant. She was always nice, but not too nice. Something always bothered him when she was around, and he could see secrets in her eyes that had always looked coincidentally like his. When she told him that she was his biological mother, he couldn’t handle it. She lied to him his entire life! Now, she just ruined his entire relationship with her! Things would always be awkward now, and he would never forgive her…so he killed her. Other things bothered him, too. He knew that Tessa and Harriet had always tried to protect him. He was never the strongest, or tallest, or smartest, or bravest… and he knew it. But then they always talked behind his back, always trying to find ways to protect him from the outside world, even though he was the man of the house. It wasn’t enough just to kill his lying mother. So he set out for the Downworld. He had to prove his strength and knowledge of the world, and his ability to handle himself…He did not like to call it a grudge, that he kept over Harriet or Tessa, even though that’s exactly what it was. He never got over it either, until death took him, and he finally started healing from childhood grudge, and the scarred memory of Aunt Harriet not telling him that he was her son, because she seemed so sad and mournful to say it, like she was disgraced of him. Tessa and Nate were complete opposites, the relationships between the two of them and other family members gave them scars, but one healed and the other didn’t…

                 Relationships don’t just have to be between family members, but can also be romantic relationships. Sara, from Love, Sara, finally allowed herself two best friends after a childhood of sexual abuse and parental resistance. Their names were Dulcie and Jon. They were young, ignorant and in love, and was soon known as a couple. Sara felt left out, “like a third wheel.” But once she started to accept their love, the feeling gradually faded away. Then, like a test from God, Dulcie announced her pregnancy to Sara. Sara felt furious, guilty, pity, annoyance, responsible… and sad. She felt as if Dulcie had soiled their friendship, and that things would never be the same. “You don’t get it, do you?” Sara had said. “You destroyed us.” And by “us”, she meant the relationship, because now, Jon and Dulcie’s relationship will always come first, especially with the attachment of the new baby that will connect them even further. But then, the relationship takes a drastic turn when Jon and Dulcie kill themselves out of frustration and tiredness. Jon’s parents had kicked him out of the house, canceling his gas, credit and debit cards. They had not even accepted Dulcie in the first place, and now, they were outcasts, even worse than before. Sara was speechless, and scarred. At the funeral, she had witnessed the bloodied bodies, because their deaths were violent ones. The poor faces of Jon and Dulcie still looked pained and tired, as they were moments before death. The images of her former friends still live in the corners of her mind. But after acceptance took place in her heart, she finally moved on. The scar is still visible, but it has blended itself into her skin so well, that only tiny splotches of it will redden if her deceased friends are brought up in conversation. She doesn’t blame anyone either, it was their choice, and their choice only; even if she doesn’t/didn’t agree with it…

                 These are relationships obviously from fictional books, but negative relationships also scar people in real life too. In my life, my dad and mom got divorced when I was only eight. I was old enough to understand the situation at hand unlike my five-year old sister, Hailey. It was completely unexpected too. Up until the announcement of the divorce, everything seemed happy and normal. Then after my mom told us, my dad got a little weird. All of a sudden I started hearing the yelling, and the disagreements. I even heard my mom slam the bathroom door, and when I pressed my ear up onto it, I heard her crying. Honestly, I was scared. Not for my family breaking apart, but for my mom. She seemed really upset, and my dad was acting like, well… a dictator.

One Friday night once my dad got home from work, my parents got into an extreme fight involving hair-pulling and screaming while I played with Hailey. My mom ran out of the bedroom and into the living room with my dad right on her trail. “I’m taking the girls to Cindy’s,” She said. My dad looked furious, from where I stood which was now in the hallway near the living room with Hailey at my side. My mom took Hailey’s hand and started leading her out of the room towards the door. But before she could get past my dad, he snatched Hailey by the other arm… now Hailey was in between them, looking from my mom to my dad. My mom yelled at him to let go of her, but he only snatched the other arm away from her. My mom seemed so desperate that she grabbed Hailey’s legs. I ran behind my bed, as it acted like a barrier to shield my eyes from the awful sight… but I couldn’t look away. They started playing tug of war with Hailey then, each trying to get hold of her. She was screaming, I was crying, and my parents were still yelling. It was chaos. Suddenly my mom released Hailey and as my dad staggered back to regain balance, my mom sprinted past him to the room. It slammed and clicked as it locked. My dad let go of Hailey, and ran after her. I ran to Hailey and let her come behind my bed barrier. She was still crying so I reassured her to stay calm and told her that everything was okay… even though I knew it wasn’t.

Later on, the police showed up and interviewed us all. I think I answered wrong on some of the questions, I was sure of it… only because I was extremely nervous. They even tried to interview Hailey alone, but I told them she had to stay with me, and they agreed. After that night, I was scarred with pained memories. I can never forget the terrified screams and cries from Hailey and my mom, or the interviewing, and worst of all, the look of terror on my mom’s face.  After the divorce took place, things got better. I started to heal, now that I knew my mom, Hailey…and even my dad were going to be okay. Their relationship scarred me, but I don’t hold it against anyone, not even my dad. It wasn’t their fault that they weren’t meant for one another, nor was it my fault, so I don’t blame myself either, which I think, is the most important thing.

                Negative relationships affect people’s lives indefinitely. But even more so, is that people can recover and heal from them. Even though the memories will still live with them, they can heal. It’s not fiction, but as my story concurred, real life. The people who don’t, like Nate Gray, are rare. If no words or options reach them, then they are stubborn and just too mentally scarred to process other options. But, either way, negative relationships between people affect others around, especially when the hate is bubbling beneath the love and too deceiving to see. So scarred people can go either way, it just depends on who you are, and what you know. Negative relationships, I believe, are the worst to be caught up in, especially when you experience the ache of love dying… sometimes, literally.